"The less said about it, the better"

I've been transcribing letters sent to my Mom during the 1930s and 1940s. It's been exciting to read about my father's whirlwind courtship of my mother, from the viewpoint of friends writing in response to Mom's letters about the developing romance. Sarah, a close friend since the 1930s, was a good correspondent, and her letters to Mom are full of everyday stuff that we descendants wouldn't otherwise know about. The latest movies, a bit of politics, how's the family, etc.

I'm working on letters from late 1945. WWII is over, and we all know that the men returning from service were eager to get back to regular life again. Dad, ten years older than Mom, was certainly ready to settle down. Meanwhile, Mom had been saying that all the best guys were in the service--and finally they were home! Apparently an aunt set the two of them up, they hit it off, and then...

Dad is first mentioned in letters to Mom in mid-October, 1945. They had a few dates and eventually kissed, and things got really serious on both sides. A letter from friend Sarah, dated December 18, 1945, says: "The fact that he's really falling in love with you is the best news yet."

A letter dated December 21, 1945, refers to Dad negotiating a big business deal, and Mom's friend Sarah adds: "For I am sure that it will not be long after that wedding bells will be ringing."

Finally! A letter dated January 4, 1946 refers to Mom and Dad being engaged. Enclosures haven't survived, which is especially sad since the February 2, 1946 letter from Sarah to Mom starts out:

Darling! I was so thrilled to get that announcement. Even though I already knew, and expected the card, when I read "engagement of," I was thrilled to the core.

On the other hand, Sarah was such a close friend and confidant that in her letter of February 9th to Mom, she writes:

I was quite taken aback by your news regarding the wedding. I guess I don't have to tell you how I feel about it. The less said about it, the better.

Wait a minute! Here's where speculation sets in. I suspect that Mom's friends were urging a quick wedding, but my parents set a wedding date for late in 1946. One letter mentions something about "can you wait till April?" and another says "if the event takes place in June..." Is that why "the less said about it, the better"?

My Aunt the WAAC (later WAC)

Thanks to my niece Katie, who found a letter and some newspaper clippings in a cookbook, I know when and where my aunt Dorothy H. Schwartz (1919-2001) was training to be a WAAC: Fort Des Moines, Iowa.

The letterhead reads: Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, Fort Des Moines, Iowa. The date: Sunday, November 29 (checking an online calendar, I see this was written in 1942). The letter was written to my grandparents.

My aunt complains of the cold because winter uniforms aren't yet available ("we're still in seersuckers"). And she talks about getting the baracks and the WAACs in shape for a formal inspection. Her closing words: "Well, let me hear from you. It's a boon and blessing to get mail, you know!"

I knew my aunt, a sgt., served in England and received the Bronze Star for "meritorious service in direct support of operations against the enemy." She was the historian for the WAC detachment, 9th Air Force, having joined the company in spring, 1943 and left it in summer, 1945. Her photo is on p. 91 of the history. Sadly, the copy in my hands was water-damaged years ago and as a result, many of the pages are stuck together. 

UPDATE in 2022: Sis and I have donated Sgt. Schwartz's items to the U.S. Army Women's Museum to keep them safe and have her included in the museum's archives/database.

Ancestor Approved - Humbled, Intrigued, Surprised, Enlightened

Thanks to Lisa, who bestowed the Ancestor Approved award on me, I'm going to list the 10 things I learned about my family that surprised, intrigued, enlightened, and humbled me. 2022 Update: Lisa is not blogging regularly any more, sorry to say.

Look for my list of 10 Ancestor Approved blogs at the end of this post! (2022 update at end)

1. I am humbled by the way my maternal grandfather teamed up with his brother, both recent immigrants from Hungary and still scratching to make a living, and paid for their baby sister to come from the old country and make a new life here. It must have been quite a hardship and yet they did it, changing her life forever. 2022 update: I found out years ago that these Schwartz siblings who came to America left behind parents, who they never saw again, and siblings as well.

2. I am intrigued by my husband's McClure ancestors in Wabash. Are Benjamin M. McClure and his wife Sarah, parents of William Madison McClure and Train C. McClure (among many others), related to the famous Samuel McClure, one of the early settlers? I think not, but it's intriguing to wonder how distantly or closely they're related. 2022 update: Seems no direct connection.

3. I am enlightened regarding the history of Bridgeport, CT. Turns out my great-uncle Sam Schwartz and his bride Anna lived very close to where P.T. Barnum wintered his circus. Certainly they would have seen the occasional runaway animal. Who knew Connecticut could be that wild? 

4. I am humbled that so many people are so willing to help. Queries posted on Rootsweb and other surname message boards have led to incredible breakthroughs because people took the time to answer me and put me in touch with relatives or people who knew relatives. I found several second cousins in this way. Thank you! You made a real difference. UPDATE: Message boards aren't used as often in 2022 as FB pages! 

5. I am surprised that some distant relatives never answered or acknowledged my letters. I wrote to two of my husband's distant cousins, enclosing family documents and even photos, but never heard back. It's possible they weren't actually related to him, of course. However, I'm very certain of the connection in one case. Maybe the letters didn't reach the intended recipients? Or maybe these folks didn't want to be found, for some reason? Or could it be that they were suspicious of getting a letter from people they never heard of, claiming to be long-lost relatives? I would have invested a stamp or a phone call, if a genealogy researcher had contacted me, to at least pursue the inquiry. 

6. I am humbled that some distant relatives are willing to trust me with information, photos, and confidences. Personal lives are very complex and every family has all kinds of undocumented "secrets." Now I know some (and no, I won't blab them here). Some of these "secrets" weren't actually volunteered without prompting; at least one appeared in the news section of a major metropolitan newspaper! But it was "news" to my part of the family. You should hear the explanation my distant relative gave me when I asked about that story. Quite a doozy. 

7. I am enlightened by the geography lesson I get whenever I try to figure out where my maternal and paternal grandparents came from. Ungvar, home of Theodore Schwartz and his brother Sam, used to be in Hungary. Then it was part of Czechoslovakia, back to Hungary, taken over by the Germans in WWII, and finally part of Ukraine. No wonder Grandpa kept changing his answer when official documents asked "country of origin." 

8. I am surprised by the twists and turns I found in my brother-in-law's family. His ancestors were early settlers in the area of Stockton, CA, having come across the country in wagon trains. In fact, one of his ancestors led wagon trains, bringing settlers into the area. The obituary read like a Western adventure story. One time the wagon train was surrounded by a tribe in full war paint. The leader stood up on top of a wagon (according to the obit) and spoke, in Native tongue, eloquently arguing for peace. And got it! The train continued to California without further incident. How many of us will be remembered for heroism like that? 

9. I am surprised at how well some branches of the family tree are documented and how rarely others appear in official and unofficial records. My wonderful cousin Betty recently located a distant relative in Europe who has his father's correspondence from before WWII! And, wonder of wonders, a few letters mention my uncle and other relatives. I've been transcribing letters written to my mother during the late 1930s and mid-1940s. If only I knew all the players (2022 update: I know more of the names/relationships now). But at least she kept them, for decades, and they came to me intact. They form a record of my parents' courtship, from the viewpoint of my mother's friends writing to her in answer to her letters to them. 

10. I am humbled by the amount of work it takes to document families and get the info right. It's a lifetime of work to explain the lifetimes of my ancestors. I'm impressed by my cousin Betty, who has done a great job tracing the family, and my unofficial cousin Art, who in the course of writing up his family's info has helped me learn more about my great-uncle Sam. 

And now, for the 10 bloggers I think deserve the Ancestor Approved Award (originated by "Ancestors Live Here" by Leslie Ann Ballou). Update in 2022: Only TwigTalk and TransylvanianDutch blogs are current. The others haven't been updated in months or years.

John of the Wandering Genealogist 

Jen of ShawGenealogy 

Sherida of TwigTalk 

Sandy and Linda of Cemetery Divas 

Donna of Another Day with Donna 

Paula of Paula's Genealogical Eclectica 

Deci of Wild Rhododendrons 

John of TransylvanianDutch 

Elyse of Elyse's Genealogy Blog 

Granny Pam of Granny's Genealogy 

Thanks for all the ideas and inspiration!

Wordless Wednesday

That's my Dad (Harold Burk, 1919-1978), at left. Who are the other people? And where on earth are they? Readers, any ideas? 2022 Update: Still no breakthroughs on this photo, but it always makes me smile. Dad hadn't gone into the US Army for WWII at this point, so the date is most likely in the 1930s.

Treasure Chest Thursday--Madcap Dora

This photo is marked "Dora" and others are marked "Madcap Dora, Grandma's friend." Asked about the nickname, my mother said (long ago) that madcap was an affectionate term for someone who did slightly zany things. The only Dora I've ever been able to find in the family is Dora Mahler, my paternal grandmother's younger sister, who was just 56 when she died. UPDATE in 2022: Dora Mahler is NOT Madcap Dora. Dora Mahler is in fact my grandma Henrietta Mahler Burk's daughter. 

We have more than half a dozen photos of Madcap Dora, and she does appear in a few photos with this gentleman at her side. Who is he? Who is Madcap Dora? 2022 update: no news about who this Dora might be, yet. 2024 update: New possibility for Madcap Dora!

Finding Uncle Sam

I was looking for Uncle Sam in early February. Well, I guessed correctly about which Samuel Schwartz (born in Ungvar, Hungary) was MY paternal great-uncle Samuel Schwartz (see my Searching for Uncle Sam post from February). I just received the death certificate and it's clearly the right Great-Uncle Sam, not some  other person unrelated to my family. Sam was a brother to my maternal grandpa, Theodore Schwartz.

Now I know exactly when Sam died and where he was buried. His second wife, Margaret, didn't give any details such as birth date or home town when providing info for the death cert, unfortunately, but I'm not surprised about that. 

What was a surprise is that he's buried in the same cemetery as his first wife, which  is the same cemetery where my paternal grandparents are buried. Is it a coincidence? Well, I have a plot plan for where my paternal ancestors are buried and Uncle Sam's name doesn't appear on it. I'll check with the cemetery for more about the area in which Uncle Sam is buried. Maybe other relatives are buried nearby? 

What I learned: Pay attention to the stories that relatives tell. One cousin said she this relative had a heart attack while mowing his lawn on a hot summer day--and it turns out she was right, he died in June. Another cousin was able to narrow down the range of years for when my great-uncle died, and he was right. Otherwise it would have been impossible for me to take an educated guess. I would have spent much more time and money searching for Great-Uncle Sam.

2022 update fixed links.

Wordless Wednesday

My mother (Daisy Schwartz Burk, 1919-1981) and her twin sister (Dorothy Helen Schwartz, 1919-2001) - fraternal, not identical twins, according to my mother. 

Which is which? No clues on the front or back. At the suggestion of my "cousin" Art, I've started slipping old family photos into plastic sleeves and will label the outside of the sleeves with names, dates, any memories that come to mind. First step is nearly done--getting them into sleeves. Now the hard part is writing labels. That's next!

UPDATE in 2022: Labeled, and in archival sleeves, within archival boxes.

Who Do YOU Think You Are?

I decided to watch this week's episode of Who Do You Think You Are--featuring the background of producer Lisa Kudrow (above)--because (1) Ancestry sent me a reminder notice and (2) I was flat-out curious. What genealogical secrets would be revealed? What researching tricks would be mentioned? 

As Eastman's Online Genealogy Newsletter points out, any show about genealogy that gets millions of viewers to watch has to be considered a success. This week's show looked, to my eyes, like 30 minutes (tops) of content stretched to the usual 60 minute slot. At a crucial moment, Lisa uses Ancestry to look up the name of a long-lost relative, and presto! She finds out just enough to locate him in Poland and have a reunion (one that was actually touching, especially when Lisa's father ultimately has a long-distance conversation with this cousin). Seriously, Ancestry is a great tool (2022 update: I've had a World subscription for years). 

This show is a wonderful intro to genealogy for those who have done little or no family research. If, like Roots in the 1970s, it prompts people to ask relatives about stories about their parents/grandparents and other ancestors, it will have done its job. And the show did reinforce an important genealogy lesson: Do your homework so you can recognize ancestors' names in their native languages. If Lisa's researcher had not been able to recognize her great-grandmother's name, all tracing would have stopped. 

 My niece Katie has been kind enough to explain how the Russian alphabet works and show me a site with common Russian names in Cyrillic and English letters. Now when I search for my Schwartz relatives in old microfilmed records of Eastern Europe, I have some idea of what their names might look like. 

UPDATE in 2022: My must-watch genealogy show of the week is Finding Your Roots with Dr. Henry Louis Gates.

Genealogy and music

One of the strongest musical memories of my early childhood is the stirring march of "Zulu Warrior" from Songs of the South African Veld by Marais and Miranda. 

We children would sing and dance around our apartment as these South African songs played over and over and over. Wish I had that song to listen to again! My parents had a surprisingly eclectic (if small) record collection, including the Ink Spots and Mitch Miller, plus some Broadway soundtracks, Readers Digest albums of popular songs and classics, and at least a few very old Caruso opera records (alas, long gone). 

I remember the bulky albums of scratchy 78s and the mono LPs (Andre Kostelanetz, anyone?). Looking back, knowing how tight money was in our family, I wish I had asked my parents what prompted them to buy these particular recordings. I'm going to add a few details about music to my genealogy write-up so future generations can get a bit of insight into my parents' personalities. 2022 update: fixed links.

Wordless Wednesday

This photo was in a box of old family photos from my mother. Probably these are distant relatives of my grandmother's, who came from Hungary, but who knows? No names, no info. That's why I resolve to label my photos for the benefit of future generations.

Five Genealogy Things to Do Before I Become an Ancestor

Our culture seems obsessed by life lists. Here's my list of 5 things every family researcher must do before he or she becomes an ancestor. If you think of additional "must do" items, please add your comments.

1. Label all family photos. Start early--in fact, start now! How many family photos have you puzzled over during your research, trying to tease out a clue to which relative or what year or what place they depict? I'm easing into this by putting a label on the back of every family group photo from Xmas, birthdays, etc. "Xmas 2009, at ___'s house in ____ city. Front row, L -> R: Janey, Joey, Jan, Jen, Grandpa Joseph holding baby Jock." If we don't label our own photos and the old photos we found in the closet, our descendants may never figure out who's who. And don't forget to explain strange things in photos (such as unusual outfits on adults that, in the future, might not be recognized as Halloween costumes).
   
2. Document key dates. Birthdays are easy, but what about wedding anniversaries, death dates, and other key milestones? Even if I don't get to updating my Family Tree Maker for a while, I need to jot down the dates of newly-found ancestors and put the notes into the appropriate file for later. Also I'm writing down recent family dates. The next generation will have an easier time continuing our research if we get the dates right. Don't fudge--even if Aunt Gertie wants outsiders to think her age is 49.95 plus shipping and handling, our family deserves the truth.
   
3. Tell the stories. Genealogy is about more than names and dates--it's about the lives our ancestors lived. Who were they? Why did they do what they did? Those stories bring our heritage alive. I'm making a conscious effort to tell the snippets I remember about my grandparents and parents and their siblings. Like the fateful time Grandpa's horse ran away and made him late to his wedding to Grandma (supposedly true story from a century ago). Ultimately, I'll write down as many of the stories as I can remember and circulate them to siblings and cousins, asking for any additional memories they can insert.
   
4. Stay in touch. This is one of the joys of genealogy: Getting to know cousins and other relatives I hadn't met or even knew existed. Not a one-time deal, staying in touch means e-mailing or calling or even putting pen to paper every once in a while to say "how are you?" and pass along some family news of my own. I also stay in touch with family researchers who aren't, strictly speaking, part of my family but who're fun and who share the "genealogy gene" for solving ancestor mysteries. Who else cares about our battles with stubborn town clerks or recalcitrant health department authorities over getting birth and death certificates for our late, great relatives?
   
5. Think long term. Genealogy is our passion now, but we need other family members to carry on the tradition and keep the search and the documentation going into the future. One of my nieces is interested in being the next generation's genealogist. It's up to me to be sure she knows where the files are kept, where the photo boxes are, what I've been researching, who's missing, who's found, and so on. Otherwise, she'll reinvent the wheel again and again. To make it easy for those who come after me, I will (1) label all photos, (2) document key dates, (3) tell the stories, (4) stay in touch with relatives and put the next generation in touch, and (5) think long term!
   

Teddy's Dairy

Hidden among 1970s photos (stored in a Clairol electric roller box) was a large brown envelope with a Macy's logo and the address "New York 1, New York."

Inside that pre-Zip code envelope was the above photo of my grandfather Teddy (right) in front of his grocery store, Teddy's Dairy, in the Bronx. He was 47 at the time, since the back of the photo includes a hand-written date of 1934. I didn't realize he was a notary (see window). At the left margin of the photo is a bit of dress, which it's tempting to think is being worn by my grandmother Minnie.

This is a wonderful find; we suspect my aunt put the photo into one of her friend's envelopes (the friend worked at Macy's) and stashed it away. What else is hiding in the boxes in my sister's house?!

Searching for Uncle Sam (Really!)

Actually, he's my great-uncle Sam Schwartz from Ungvar, Hungary, and I've been trying to find out where and when he died. During yesterday's expedition to a nearby Family History Center, I looked at microfilms showing NYC death indexes for the 1950s. Lots of Sams and Samuels. Now I've narrowed the possibilities down to 15 or so entries.

Which one is the real Uncle Sam? The "informant" would have been Sam's second wife Margaret, in all probability, and she may not have known Sam's actual birth date or place. (I only know what he reported on his WWI and WWII draft forms, which may or may not be accurate.)  

Also, I don't know where in New York City he was living in when he died. I've been assuming that he stayed on in the house he owned while married to his first wife. He probably owned it clear and free by the time he died. I'll check land records at another point. 

My 1st cousin (once removed) remembers that Sam had a heart attack while mowing his lawn, so that suggests he died in a warm month (roughly May through September). Only one of the entries matches all of these criteria. I'm going to go for it--spend the $15 to find out whether that's the Uncle Sam I've been trying to find. Stay tuned! 2022 update: I guessed correctly and received the correct Sam Schwartz death cert.

Health and My Family Tree

What's the pattern of health and disease in my family tree? I'm starting to track this so I can understand some of the possible health risks that I and my generation will face. I know a good deal about my immediate family but info on the horizontal links in the family tree is far from complete.

Privacy laws mean that I can't always find out why a relative died, even when I get a copy of the death cert. And sometimes people hesitate to talk about illnesses and death in the family, so details can be sketchy. Quite a sensitive topic to bring up when I do locate long-lost relatives--what's the best, most discreet way to ask: "What did your parents die of?"

Resolutions for 2010

My top 3 genealogy resolutions for 2010 are below. What are your resolutions? Whatever they are, happy new year! 2022 update: I've gotten much better at recording my discoveries by adding to multiple online trees and writing family histories, as well as bite-sized biographies of ancestors. 

1. Document my relatives and their movements. I'm about 12 mos behind in writing down what I've learned. Instead of throwing slips of paper into the files for each family in my tree, I need to slow down and document details promptly.
2. Recheck. New info and reinterpreted details are coming online all the time. One cousin has found new info (in Hungarian, from 1909) that was never before available, info that might shed new light on our ancestors' lives and motivations. So this resolution is to review what I think I know, look for more details, and keep looking for info on distant relatives and ancestors I know very little about.
3. Communicate, communicate, communicate. In the past two years, I've been lucky enough to connect (or reconnect) with a lot of cousins. I want to keep those family connections alive in 2010, not just for genealogy but because I want my cousins to be part of my life.