Every family's history includes a personal secret.
Maybe it's a "secret" in the sense that ancestors never spoke of it: someone committed a serious crime in the past, someone had an affair, someone was pregnant before marriage or outside of marriage, someone died of a disease considered shameful at the time...the list goes on and on.
Document but don't disclose?
If the secret could be very hurtful or even damaging to someone still living, I choose not to disclose. I don't say anything in public (info is not posted on family trees, not included in family genealogies, not on my blog, not mentioned in talks).
Instead, I document what I've learned and then leave the explanation in my files.
Why? Although I don't want to hurt someone still living, I also want that discovery to not be lost forever. By keeping it in my files, I'm allowing it to be rediscovered by the relative who will eventually inherit my genealogical materials. (Assuming the relative opens the files and reads the contents!)
It's likely that after a number of years, the secret will no longer be as hurtful or damaging because the people involved will have joined their ancestors, too.
Of course, if a secret has particular historical significance, that's an entirely different matter. Similarly, if the secret involves DNA and "NPE" (not parent expected), that also changes the situation. My ancestors didn't have those kinds of secrets--not that I know of, anyway.
Planning for a future for family history secrets
What happens to a family history secret in the event our genealogical files wind up in an archive, a library, a museum, or some other repository? In other words, the secret and its documentation would be out of family hands, if left within the files.
This is an issue to consider when planning for the future of our genealogical research and materials.
